I am struggling.
There. I said it.
Yes, I'm middle-aged. Yes, I have kids. Yes, I have an aging parent who has health issues. Yes, I'm building a house. (shhhhhh: yes I'm perimenopausal).
But it's not just that (just! Ha!).
I want to help people. I LIKE helping people. I like learning. I like trying new things. And I feel compelled to add new skills to my CV/resume.
Which is to say.... hello burnout. Again. Sigh.
So I'm taking break. Again (but the money Trisha, what about the money? Don't your family depend on you? (Don't think about it! Denial is a strategy that totally works)).
Gradle have been understanding, kind, and supportive, and have granted me some leave so I can get my shit together rest and recharge.
Burnout is a complex beast. It could easily be triggered by all the (non-negligible) non-work stuff I have going on. It might also be a sign that I'm not investing my energies in things that fulfil me. Or I might just have too much to deal with. Regardless of the root cause, I'm going to take a couple of months or so to:
- rest
- recharge
- think
- feel
- finish the
fucblostudream house
Hopefully, that will give me a little space and time to remember who I am, realise what I want, and give me that tiny mote of inspiration to direct me.
Support welcome. Particularly if you want to tell me what I'm good at, how I've inspired you, or where you think my talents will work best.
2 thoughts on “Hello burnout my old friend…”
Thank you for sharing your struggles! It’s not for me to tell you but you are fully entitled to taking a break.
Thank you also for being such an awesome advocate in our field!
Maybe a bit late to share but, I was an Eclipse IDE evangelist for quite a while and when I attended one of your talks about IntelliJ, I left with so much more curiosity than I went in. I had been dismissive of the new kid on the block but, you brought so much energy to the talk that I just had to try it … now, I have a premium account on my personal laptop for my own home projects 😀
Similarly, your live coding demos with Gradle made the switch from Maven that much easier so, you are a force for good and I am sure there are loads of folks who’d agree that you’re appreciated.
Your content at other conferences – as seen on Youtube – including the books and other companies you worked at as well as the engagement with the developer community is amazing.
Maybe one day the spark will rise again or maybe your attention will turn to other things … either way, it was great to have grown in this industry with people as enthusiastic as you and I wish you all the best in your future endeavours.
(In case you do go back to presenting talks or doing Master Classes at conferences, then be sure to include links to your page as well. Maybe even consider either joining an international Java User Group or similar – if you haven’t already – and hosting with fellow collaborators or setup a hackathon for kids of all ages to join in or a CTF challenge or a CoderDojo … plenty of options )