When I worked at Ford as a shiny new graduate in the early noughties, they told me "don't bring me problems, bring me solutions". They also said, never phrase anything as a "problem" but as an "opportunity". The cynical senior who worked on our team told me it was because Ford had been sued too many times and that we should never document known problems because it would end up in court. An important learning point for 21-year-old me.

Anyway. I was laid off last week, so what a marvelous "opportunity". It's kinda complicated to explain how I feel about this, because I'm writing this in public and, like Ford, I don't really want to document "problems". However, it has somewhat shaken my confidence (they don't love me any more, waaah). Having said that, my job at Gradle had pivoted away from what I love doing (developer advocacy), and although that gave me a great "opportunity" to learn new things, being well outside my comfort zone did contribute to my burnout.

However, one of the reasons I didn't leave earlier and of my own volition (apart from the fact that it's nice, necessary even, to have an income when you have kids and you're moving house) is because I'm not really sure what I want to be doing next. On the one hand, going back to a classic developer advocacy role would be very comfortable, possibly even relaxing, and I think will help me rediscover the joy of writing, talking to developers, and staying up to date with technology. On the other hand, I've been toying with the idea of going independent for at least 7 years. Perhaps it's time. That's a very scary thought, because I want to provide financial stability for my family, and having a lumpy income from a mix of consulting, training, speaking engagements and paid content could send me into a panic. On the other other hand (how many hands do you have, woman?), I want more flexibility, and I want to be able to talk about the things that interest me without having to work out how to tie it into a product or company narrative.

And on top of all of that, I'm trying hard not to panic about the huge changes in our industry right now, and trying not to worry about how relevant my experience is, or how I'm supposed to make enough money until I retire. I have friends who are ready to retire like, now-ish, and I am panicking about how to retire in 15 years or if anyone will even pay me for the next 15 years.

So, yeah. I guess I wanted to write all this down because:

  1. I want to get some of my own thoughts straight
  2. I want to be open about how these life events can affect people
  3. I want to drop some ideas out there about what I want to work on, in case anyone reading this is interested in hiring or contracting me for anything.

Oh, also it was a long-winded introduction to "hey I updated my personal website, finally, take a look!!". Thank you to Claude, I couldn't have done it without you. Hopefully I'll write a blog post about that at some point.

Caveat: The main pages are all updated but individual blogs and talk pages have not all been checked. If you see any major problems, by all means let me know.